


Ae And Be Stars

by LordMortem



Series: In Our Solace [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempt at angst, Attempt to write a story in general, Childhood, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Male Character, Growing Up, I have no idea what tags to use, I'm Bad At Summaries, Kylo Ren Backstory, M/M, Manipulation, POV Kylo Ren, Plot, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, References to Canon, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Trying to stay near canon, kylo-centric, kylux-freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 19:46:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10446015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordMortem/pseuds/LordMortem
Summary: Before becoming Kylo Ren, he was Ben Solo. He was the victory child of Leia Organa and Han Solo. He was many things yet nothing. He lived feeling something missing, an unknown part of his life empty.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the awful summary. I do not even know if it matches the story. It took me weeks to get the courage to write and post this story. The idea/plot in my heads for weeks/months. I apologize for any errors or bland repetition. I tried and had no beta if that counts for anything. I might need to fix things up but I will save that for future me.
> 
> Also, I own nothing.

A woman stands before a calm sea. The breeze jostling her loose brown hair about but she is not phased. Her focus is solely on the white bundle in her arms. An infant stares back up at the woman with gleaming honey brown eyes.

“My little angel. My little Ben. “The woman whispers to the child. The infant gurgles at her, waving his little hands in a fist.  The woman laughs at the display.

“Oh you are just the most pre-Ah!” the woman yelps as she grabbed, two arms holding her waist. The infant is startled, tears appearing in his eyes.

“Han, you dull brained oaf! Don’t startle me! Oh and now you’ve gone and made Ben cry.” The infuriated woman says. She hushes the baby, soothing him into a calm trance.

“Oh come on. Not my fault you get scared easily, Leia.” Han says, a grin appearing on his face. Leia glares at him and shakes her head. The man nods his head towards the baby, extending his arms. Leia gently places the small infant in his arms.  Han brings the boy near his face, a serene smile etches across his face.

“My little chubby bandit.” Han says. The baby stares blankly at him.

“Don’t call him that” Leia says, her hands placed at her hips.

“Why not? He is a little thief, just like his mother”

“What have I stolen? And Ben is baby; only crime he has committed is keeping me up for several days straight.”

“Well you both have stolen my hearts so that is enough of a reason, princess.”

Leia gives Han a bored expression, ignoring Hans’ cheeky grin. Ben, squirming in Han’s arm all this time finally snaps and starts bawling. Han attempts emphasize on attempt, to quiet Ben down but is met with much resistant’s.

“Damn, I can never hold him for a minute before he starts tearing my ear drums apart.” Han says, bouncing Ben in his arms.

“Well you never hold him for any longer. He just has to get used to you.” Leia says with a sly expression on her face. She giggles lightly at seeing Han struggle with calming down Ben.

“I _don’t only_ hold him for a minute, it’s more like two! Anyways, this kid never lets me be near him for long without crying up a storm!” Hans says with a raised voice not noticing that it only agitated the small boy.

“You are never with him! You hand him over to me immediately when he is not acting like the perfect baby I know him as” Leia says.

“Sure, a total angel. Here, take him. He won’t stop crying and I am out ideas.”  Hans says, with a look of resignation on his profile.

“See, handing him over already. Some tough guy you are. Barely can handle a seven month years old.” Leia says, rocking Ben. She waves her hand with feather-like weight across the boy’s forehead.  Ben cries turn to small whimpers then ceases all together.

“Not fair, you used the force!” Han exclaims. Leia sends daggering glare at Han’s, signaling him with a finger to hush down.

“So what if I did? I _learned_ how to soothe him by _being_ with him. Unlike you.” She whispers. Han scoffs at that.

“I **am** with him often. I am here with him now, aren’t I?” Han says. Leia rolls her eyes at his statement. She settles on a pale green blanket with Ben close to her chest. He has dozed off, his ink black hair framing his full face. Han quickly falls into a sitting position.

“Just because I have been gone for several months does not mean I am never with him…or you.” Han quietly mumbles.

“I didn’t say never. I just meant that you need to be _with_ more often so he learns who you are to him. So you be a true father, not a smuggler.” She says, leaning her head onto his shoulder.

“You did say never” Han says. Leia rolls her eyes, a habit she has developed when talking to her husband.

“Look, Leia. I get what you mean. I am trying but if I have to try even harder. I will. Here, hand him back over.” Han says, retrieving Ben from his mother’s arms. Leia begrudgingly lets her child go. Not even a moment goes by before Ben wakes up and instantly shrieks. His father groans at the upset infant.

“Maybe he just hates being with me, Leia. I bet that if I leave him on the ground, he will stop crying” Hans says.

“Not true, Laserbrain. He just loves being with his mom. Right, my little Ben?” Leia says, lightly running her fingers through Ben’s dark locks. Han softly places Ben on the blanket and the boy promptly starts to crawl away from his parents. His cries come to an end as he reaches for a blue-green feline stuffed doll. He sits upright while holding the toy and sucking on his thumbs.

“He likes the tooka doll more than me. That is just downright embarrassing.” Han smoothly says. Wondering how that toy is better than him. Ben starts to place pecks all over his stuffed toy.  Both Han and Leia simultaneously bend over to place kisses of their own to their son. Ben giggles and kisses them back. Han feeling slightly better knowing his son at least is not hesitant to show him some affection. He just needs to left on his own and he’ll come around. Ben loves his father but just can be difficult at times, Han thought to himself.

* * *

“Come on, Ravad Therd! We gotta hide before daddy and mommy see us.” Says Ben, 6 years old with messy black hair. He clutches at his blue-green tooka doll while tip toeing through a hallway. He hears his parent’s voices closing in on him.

“Ben! You can’t hide from your dad; I am the hide and seek master!” Han yells from another section of the Millennium Falcon.

“Han, really? Hide and seek master?” Leia questions him.

Ben hears his parents argue, not an uncommon occurrence. Though he abhors his parent’s argumentative tendencies, he takes advantage of the bickering and hides within an empty barrel. He balls up and barely attempts to breath, trying to raise his odds of not being found. His parents footsteps appear to sound closer. All of a sudden, he hears nothing. The silence grates on his nerves, anxiety filling Ben up.

“Shit, he is good.” He hears his father say, seeming to be near Bens’ hidden location.

“Don’t cuss near in front of Ben.” He hears his mother say.

“What? He isn’t here. No damage done” Han says.

“Han, please.”

“What? I have a point unless…You know where he is!”

“I do-“

“You can sense him, how could I forget. Stupid force powers.”

“Not fair mommy! That is cheating!” Ben shouts out! He quickly covers his mouth with both his hands. Soon the lid is removed and Ben looks up to see his parents gazing down at him. He droops his shoulders down and pouts.

“Found ya, kid” Han says, lifting Ben from the barrel.

“Obviously.” Ben says. Disheartened by being found rather quickly. Leia laughs at her son’s sullen face, thinking him adorable.

“Well this was fun boys but mommy has to go to work now. Ok, Ben?” Leia says, tussling the young boy’s hair.

“No! I wanna still play with you and daddy!” Ben exclaims, tears glistening his big brown eyes.

“Come on, kid. It is men’s time now. We don’t need silly little woman.” Han says, making an effort to bring his son’s spirits up. He is jabbed by his wife’s elbow for the last part of his sentence.

“Whatta we gonna do daddy?” Ben questions, curiosity making him forget about his mother leaving soon.

“Oh we are just going to see an old friend of mine and buy some candy! What do think about that? You could be my copilot.” Hans says giddily. Trying to evoke excitement.

“That old friend better be a friend and nothing more. No smuggling with our son, Flyboy.” Leia warns her husband. Ben giggles at the insult his mother said. Both his parents give each other a peck while Ben makes a face of disgust, imitating a person gagging. They laugh at their son’s antics.

Later both father and son stand by the entrance ramp waving their good byes. Ben wishing that he could be with both his parents at once more often, instead having these fleeting seconds when they are all together for only a moment. Once they re-enter the ship, Han tells Ben to play while he starts the ship.

Ben nods and enters the lounge area. He sees a TIE Fighter toy of his on the table. He uses the force to lift up the toy and drag it towards him.  He waves his hand in flowing motion, left to right, moving the object.  The toy ship starts to circle around Ben, the child’s focuses on moving the item quicker.

“Be-Watch it!” Han shouts, moving out of the way before the TIE Fighter can hit him.

“I’m sorry daddy! You scared me! I won’t do it again” The child says, running towards his father. Behind his father lays the toy, shattered from the impact against the wall.

“Don’t go throwing things with the force. I have told you this a billion times, kid.” Han scolds the boy. Ben sullenly nods, knowing his father’s apprehension for the force. Specifically when and only when Ben uses it.  The rest of the trip goes by fairly smoothly with Han settling a deal with someone to retrieve an object from an outer rim planet. Ben does not care about the details. He resentfully stands by his father’s side. Only ever talking just to whisper to his tooka doll.

Han leads Ben towards the busy market street after the stranger left. Han asks Ben if he wanted to eat some sweets and the child started to bounce with excitement. He gets Ben this pinkish-red looking cake with white frosting and they both sit on an empty bench.

“Here, Ravad Therd.” Bens says pretending to feed his toy. Han grins a bit and shakes his head, continuing to eat his own pastry.

“No, I don’t know. Who cares? I am ok with getting some tasty food and leaving Quarrow. It is boring there.”

“Ben, who are you talking to?” Han questions his youngster.

“I am talking to Ravad, silly! He is so curious. He always asks questions and talks to me.” Ben utters fervently. Beaming at his blue-green feline companion.

“Have to talk to Leia about you needing friends.” Hans whispers to himself. Leaning back on the bench, he relaxes.

“Ravad **is** my friend! My bestest. Just like uncle Chewie is yours!” Ben shouts out. Bystanders passing by stare at the child, startled from the loud shout. Ben is quieted by his father. Clearly not pleased by the unnecessary attention. But Ben just wanted to tell his father he had a friend. Ravad Therd was his best mate. Whenever he was alone, which was often sadly, he would keep himself occupied by talking and listening to his little blue-green toy. The toy telling Ben how great he is and how he loved him with all his little heart. Ravad always stayed with Ben. Always remembered him.

When they returned to Nakadia, where the New Republic headquarters was currently settled, Han left Ben in the care of C-3PO since Leia was in a long, dragged out senate meeting. Han saying to Ben he had a little mission but will return soon enough.

“Hello young Master Solo! How was your little journey with your fa-“

“When is mom coming home, Threepio?” Ben interrupts the droid.

“Oh Maker. I have no idea but she will be in any moment. Do not fret, Master Solo.” C-3PO says. Ben ignores him, as always, and heads towards his room. He grabs a bin from under his bed and starts taking out pieces of model star ships. He remembers how his other TIE Fighter broke, forgetting to pick the pieces up and rebuild it. After a while, he grins at his new TIE ship and gets up places the toy model by his Lambda-class T-4a shuttle model.

He then grabs his tooka doll, a sketch pad with an assortment of crayons. Ben hears Threepio call out if he is hungry and Ben replies that he is not. Ben starts to draw all the types of droids and ships he saw today. Which sincerely is not much but that does not diminish Ben’s eagerness to draw. He tears out the drawings and place each sheet on his wall he has dedicated to his illustrations. He proudly stands as tall as he can, feeling accomplished but tired.

“Come on, Ravad. I am sleepy, let’s go to sleep” The dark haired boy says to his lifeless friend. While sleeping, Ben starts to toss violently. A nightmare destroying his calm rest. He dreams of both his parents telling him he has been bad and they don’t want a bad child. Even his uncle Luke turns away. He fiercely wakes up. Breathing heavily with tears in his eyes, he reaches out with the force to feel if his mother is in the household. But she is not. Ben whimpers, he searching for his stuffed tooka doll.

“I know, I know. You are here. Always.” Ben chants that like mantra to get him through this mini crisis. He brings the toy close to his heart. He does not stop rocking to and fro the rest of the night. Not even when his mother comes by in the earliest stages of the sun rising.

 

 


End file.
